FAREWELL HONORIANS

March 12, 2014

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Well I guess this is goodbye. After those seemingly endless moments of love and hate that we cannot control in our desire to mould you into what we think is best, here we are again, destined to be abandoned by those we learned to love and consider as our own.

This is what I hate about teaching. After finally learning to care for the persons and give your all to open their eyes to the world outside, it always lead to goodbye and overtones of sadness in the joyous environment of their success.

So what else can I do but leave a final peek of the realities of life to those I cared so much and will be leaving us with only the foot steps that they left behind on the corridors of what they used to call home.

GOODLUCK AND REMEMBER…

YOU CAN DO WHAT OTHERS CAN. If you can eat what they can eat, drink what they can, then there is a level battlefield. You can learn what they can. You can achieve higher grounds if you will wish and dream for it. They are also humans. They are not gods. You can outdo anyone and everyone if you so desire.

DO NOT STOP BELIEVING. You can become what you want to become. Dreaming does not cost you anything so do not deny yourself of an elegant dream for the future. Aim high and dream high. Believe in yourself before others will learn to believe in you. It is you who set the boundaries of what yourself can and cannot do. So make yourself exceptional, extra-ordinary, amazing and unbelievably superb because I BELIEVE IN YOU.

THE RIGHT TIME IS NOW. If there is a mountain that needs to be climbed, a journey that needs to be conquered the first stride of your feet should be done right now. The next eight months will be the most crucial days of your lives. It will draw your future so give it your best fight. It is more than half of your lives so there is no room for mistakes.

This game is not the survival of the best but it is the game of the most persistent. Make or break. TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.

BUILD YOUR PRIDE!

LET’S GET IT ON CE GRADUATES

March 11, 2014

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There are those who live their lives as it flows, unmindful of what an obscured past can do to a future that can chain so many loved ones to a bitter rendezvous.

But there are those who choose to carry on a good fight of the present and instigate a well curved future for those who pray and hope for a better perspective of tomorrow…parents..siblings…and children that are yet to be born.

There are those who just let things happen to escape the reality of poverty and the grief of insufficiency of finances, love and affection.

But then again, there are those who fight even when fighting causes a deeper wound and bite the oppressing finger of those who make things difficult in life’s battle arena.

I have seen these two different people among the 1,514 CE students in DHVTSU. And I am sure I was brought in this place by circumstances directed by the Lord Almighty to bear witness and do something to make things a little different. Level the battlefield by the gift of words and the gift of encouragement to push everyone to their limits…when hope does not shine anymore…and when loving and caring seems to be a joke and never existed even from the beginning…

I am here to stand as a living testimony of victory over poverty and insufficiency…of hope…love…and care. You are what you think you are and you become what you think you can become.

There is no force in this universe greater than your creator. When God created the earth, He used words to let exist all things except you. Because when He created man, He used his own hands to curve you into his own likeness. You are special. You can become what you wish you will be.

You were born champions. Because you pushed your way to the womb against half million competitors. I cannot find any reason for you to fail because there is no doubt that hard work is better than talent. And poverty makes you invincible. Because becoming a civil engineer is your only way out.

Let’s get it on CE graduates of DHVTSU. Redeem yourselves. NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE.

GO OUT THERE AND MAKE US PROUD.

 

WHO YOU ARE

August 19, 2013

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They never really know who you really are. Because if they do, life would never had been this way. Or perhaps, they never wanted to understand. Maybe because, they are expecting too much. Or they wanted the fulfillment of their expectations… for their own glory and pride.

Everyone would like to be the most intelligent. They cannot differentiate intelligence and cleverness anymore. Because if they do, they would respect each other’s decisions…look after each other’s welfare…work in harmony…and live their lives as you have exemplified…Loving thy neighbors as loving thy own self.

They cannot really understand why you chose to be laid down on hays instead of a grand cradle made of gold and silver. Because they wanted you to live as they are living…so others could say that they do as you did…

They wanted your blessings yet they cannot wait. But when it is there in front of them, they never considered it as coming from you because it is below their expectations. They asked for miracles but they cannot accept that miracle is a step by step occurrence.

They wanted instant relief of pain when pain itself is the process of healing.

They never really know you. Because if they do they will not forget that despite of your sacrifices and love for all of us… they do, over and over again, what they did to you;

…while you were battling death, they fought for the only possession that you had as a man…

…when you asked them to appease your thirst, they gave you a drink that intensified the pain that you felt…

…while you were gasping for your breath and asked for the forgiveness of your merciless murderers they pierce your body with a sphere because what you did is hypocrisy in the eyes of your so loved enemies.

They don’t know who you really are. Even how much pretention they show and words that they let go to manifest how you are to them is only foolishness to you and to the rest of us who suffer for their selfishness and stupidity.

They don’t know that whatever they do to the least of your brethren…They are doing it unto you…

FORGIVE THEM MY LORD…THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.

FOR JOMEL

July 26, 2013

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I have long waited to write this message and I have assumed that the right time had come.

                I have preferred a written message like this rather than a verbal one because it takes a lot of courage and emotional stability to retell something that I never wished to recall. And this way, whatever detail that is worth to be remembered can be retold by this writings… even at times when I am not here anymore.

                You are in hell on earth. Every circumstance, every moment and eventuality in your life right now are all add ups to the loads and problems that are brutally tearing you apart. All people, including those who are close to you, are not helping in easing things up but are making them worse by adding to the insults and pains. For all of them, your attempts to escape even for just a while are but foolishness. They never had felt the pain yet as if they carry part of it. They never stood there with you yet as if they know how hard it is to continue. Perhaps they need to see a bloodshed before realizing and understanding that you can take it no more.

                The family problem is a God given trial so you must endure as if the physical and emotional torture is never enough. You don’t have the right to be comfortable simply because you are poor. You do not even have the right to utter the smallest complaints. YES, YOU ARE DOOMED.

                And you are where I was 25 years ago.

                The only difference is I am here. But I cannot fight your fight. I can only take some part and watch you from a distance and tell you the progress of your accomplishments.

                Believe it or not the suffering could end. The desire in your heart to get out of the situation and rebuild your environment into a place of your own design, according to your needs and convenience, should be overwhelming right now. The harder is the toil the sweeter victory becomes. You cannot afford to fail. So many people that are too important in your life will take part of that failure. God gave you the biggest responsibility in the family to lead them out of the hell that poverty creates.

                The irony is that God is letting everything to come into place for a purpose and right now we do not understand why. But I am sure it happens becayse it is supposed to make you a stronger person. Even those who mocked us are actors and actresses of this play that was set up so as to establish the challenges and give us the eagerness to overcome whatever it is that is hurting us.  Again, you cannot fail. Because at the verge of failure, you cannot blame anyone but yourself.

                When I was in your shoe, I held on so tightly. There were days that I never eaten. Months of hard and depressing labor. Yet I refused to break apart. I was mocked too by people whom I thought was with me all along. I was alone but I constantly told myself that soon it would be over and I counted down the days of agony. I kept in my mind that if there is a will, there is certainly a way. The shortage of resources, especially money, never halted my desire to win the battle that I fought not only for myself. Because I knew, my climb to the top will bring along your uncles, your mom, my children …and you.

                Do us all a favor JEM. Pass this damn architecture board exam.

When the Sky Falls

March 20, 2013

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How do you describe something in a plain language when only a metaphor can briefly and accurately explain what was going on.

 

 

 

ONE CHANCE

October 6, 2012

I know I shall pass this way but once. And in passing, I am sure I shall be hurt. I shall be ridiculed by people who doesn’t even know me. And even by friends whom I shield from their own arrogance and mischiefs.

Indeed, I would have no chance but one. One chance to live this life as good as I can in the eyes of a perfect GOD that guides me. And as righteous as I can make it to be…under the magnified views of my peers and my enimies.

I will embrace my one fate. Be it painful or fortunate.Unjust or rightful. I will understand those who judge my actions without even looking at the other side of circumstances. I shall not question what my GOD has instored in the future for me, for my children and my children’s children.

I may be hurt…but wounds would heal. I may be rejected…yet, there will always be someone who will embrace me and understand.

I know I shall pass this way but once. And I will have only one chance to dwell on circumstances, people and valuable moments of  equally valuable lives.

I choose to have true  friends than fortunes. Sow respect in every environment I reach out so that those who received it will learn the values of a fulfilled household and a true productive workplace.

I shall forgive. Because in the end, what is seemingly a life’s misfortune is actually a blessing in disguise and a blunder to those who think of themselves as gods.

I have one chance to live. And in this one life I wish to be an instrument of hope. A model of God’s endless grace.

Be it foolishness in the eyes of intelligent fools. Or stupidity to those who think of themselves as judge of other people’s lives, not even knowing that they are STUPIDITY itself !

I have 431 reasons to be happy in this one chance as of the moment.

3 at home…and 429 at work.

HAPPINESS

April 5, 2012

HAPPINESS to me is subjective and relative.

Subjective because it is a state of mind. It depends on how we appreciate and accept what we have and what we  don’t have. How we recognize the boundaries between our wants and our needs. And how we accept and believe that justice also means living without some things we deemed important while  others are living abudantly with them.

Relative because the more relatives the merrier. That is what I was told since I was a kid.

I have several accounts of happiness that were vividly imprinted in my memory. It is how i describe happiness. And it is always will be…

It was August of  1976. I was in the second grade when  Dado, my younger brotherwas disturbed by a growing lump in his stomach. He was five years old and was crying almost everyday  because of the pain he cannot bear anymore. My father doesn’t have a job and we cannot afford to bring him to a hospital at that time. But we were forced to rush him to a public hospital because of his complaints of shortening of breath. I was worried because mother was crying when Dado was taken to the operating room. It was horrifying. And I cried  too…  

I was crying because in my young mind I know that life’s hardships was teaching us so early to accept death in cases like this because of poverty. I was crying because I know after the operation, mother will surely be humiliated in trying to come up with the money to pay the doctors and the hospital. I recalled sitting on the steps of the main stair of the hospital while drying the tears in my eyes and looking at mother as she walks away to look for something to eat with just a 20 peso bill in her wallet. That is all we have on that day.  

This is a recollection of happiness because Dado end up okay. We went home with more than 300 pesos in mother’s wallet because some of the neighbors and relatives went to the hospital to give us some money. The hospital bill was taken cared of by one of the doctors.

One monday  in December 1978. Dado was in the first grade. We came home from school  and found out that we do not have anything for dinner. I decided to get some sugarcanes from the field and Dado came along. It was more than a kilometer of walk to the place where they harvest the sugarcanes. So it was dark and was raining when we went back home. Dado  reached home before me because he cannot carry the sugarcanes on his back anymore because the load was too much for him,  not to mention the rain that was so intense. I came back for him and carried his sugarcanes and told him to run back home because mother was so angry looking for him. We were soaking wet and this has made mother much more angry than before. She pulled out a stick and beat me hard that night. And I was crying all the way to sleep.

Again it was a recollection of happiness because when mother thought that I was asleep, she wisphered in my ear that she loves me so much. It was just that we made her so worried. Tears came pouring down my cheeks again and I hugged her so tightly.  

It is this simplicity of the happiness that i have  known that made life bearable and acceptable. For us , living is not a question of justice or the fairness of life. It is always the appreciation of what we have and what we can do to survive each day at a time- one problem at a time.

As I look at our grown family right now I can’t help but look at our past. Despite of having families of our own, we seek each other still when the rain struck us again  on the field. I always find strength everytime my mother tells me she loves me even at this not-so-young age. My brothers and sister make me strive more and more as I dream for them the same kind of life that I have today. And as I look at my wife and kids, I can be anyhting that I want-a HERO and a typical dad that will do all I can and  give  all I can to make them acquire the happiness they deserve.

The happiness I seek  is simply the well being of my family. We may go through a lot of pains  and misunderstanding yet we will be there in the end to battle the trials of life together.  They may hurt me and I may hurt them. Yet, nevertheless, we will remain attached to our pasts and to our beginnings…

That we are each other’s strength…And that we can die for the sake of one another…

A Tear’s Worth

January 18, 2012

          “How much bitterness does a tear imply

            To let it fall and clouds the sky

            Can a single drop level endless pain

            So for lives lost it need not rain…”

-Excerpt from the poem entitled ” MARAYA CHELYN” by the same author.

I can only remember three instances in my life where I cried really hard and let every single bit of frustration, pain, grief and fear flow out of me, myself, my spirit or whatever is there deep inside of me.  First  was when we were left alone very young by both our parents without anything.- Food, water and money. Second was when I unexpectedly attended a prayer meeting where I cannot stop crying for reasons  I cannot explain. And last was when my daughter died in a “slaughter”  hospital because I don’t have enough money to pay a decent one.

I always  feel better and stronger after each time I belt out the pain inside of me , however…as if I am ready to take the next  dosage of those unimaginable anguish that is always inviting insanity to my brain. At that particular time, when I was too young and helpless, I questioned the justice that is being instigated by a popular and trusted GOD. For a young mind, I guess, it is only normal. But for those  whose loved ones were taken away from them violently and unexpectedly, GOD never even exist.

My  neighbor best friend, who happened to be a pastor, once questioned GOD’s judgement after his older brother was shot to his death in a hold up incident about 200 yards from their home. “It was clear” he said, refering to GOD’s words, ” that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword.” And he burst in tears when he explained that his brother doesn’t even know how to hold a gun. At the time that he was so tired of crying, I came to say goodbye and told him that I felt the same way when my daughter died. But after two years I realized that what happened is the best for the family. I concluded by saying “let us talk about this again after two years” then  left the house and never looked back.

Exactly after a year he came to my door knocking one night. As soon  as I opened up he said “I guess you’re right. It is the only way he can go to heaven. ” He turned around and left without saying anymore word. I never  asked him about the reasons why he concluded or realized what he has said to me that night. I am not interested as I never told people why my daughter’s death had become an eye opener to the rest of us.

I had always believed that nothing more in my life can take me down on my knees and burst in anguish as I did when my precious daughter died. I thought life’s hardships had completely turned me into a man of steel, completely unbreakable. I supposed it was GOD’s making that I became as hard as a stone… as firm as a stiff foundation. Until I forgot who I am and what I am here for…that Somebody watches over…Someone who will never let go…

And it was time to break me up into pieces. So by doing, I would see who am I as I pick up every piece of me that was all over the shadow of my daughter’s death…everywhere…for me to see… and perhaps to understand that life cannot go on as I wish..Because what I wish for are selfish desires leading towards my own destruction.

As I always say, death is horrible and it is the most painful experience that we go through. But in times like this there are always lessons to learn,… forgiveness to offer to  hated loved ones equally hurt by the loss,… sympathy from  long lost and forgotten friends… and even memories to keep and remember at the right time and place.

It is not always the happy moments that is worth remembering sometimes. Because it is when we shed  tears that kindness  grow within us  and the heart starts the healing. In the eyes of GOD a tear is worth a mended spirit. Because  that spirit was created to go home to its creator someday. And because death was never meant to hurt us… but to bring us on… to our journey home…

Forgive Us Our Tresspasses

January 6, 2012

…As We Forgive Those Who Tresspass Against Us….

I was born poor, raised poor and lived my life trying to get out of a poor man’s miseries engulfed by the obvious shortage of everything. I grew up in a neighborhood where living is a daily struggle to have something on the table to eat…not three times a day but at least once a day. We brushed our teeth using salt instead of a regular toothpaste and most of the time took a bath using “Ajax” -the cheapest and the most popular laundry soap during our time. 

In a child’s mind, being  poor is  humiliation. I remember covering my face with a handkerchief when someone from school sees me mixing concrete on a pavement or walking four(4) kilometers from school to our home. I may say today that there is nothing wrong about being poor but maybe it is because I am not poor anymore. Yet, maybe, poverty is indeed humiliating.

I was so happy when I got my first decent shoes. I was always wearing worn out shoes from my cousins, sometimes too big and sometimes too small,  and I was so happy when my auntie susan gave me fifty pesos one christmas. I was crying in excitement when I bought those shoes despite spending my lifetime savings of fifteen pesos because the cheapest shoes available then are for sixty five pesos. On that day we were not able to cook rice for dinner. Because my father was expecting me to buy rice with auntie susan’s gift. But I needed those shoes in school. We were running in our P.E. classes and the blisters in my feet were killing me.

It is this experience and a lot more similar that gave me the instict  to fight back all sorts of opposition in my life, whether verbal, mental, emotional or physical. It is and it was a survival instict. But after a while, after I have done damages, i realized that my actions are not appropriate. I hurt a lot of people in trying to justify my actions…to prove I am not the one at fault…or and maybe to boast that I am perfect and cannot be wrong.

There are also those people who had pushed me to the edges. I never showed them my anger but I had my fury executed silently and unnoticed. 

I felt the need for confession, recentment and humility about two years ago. It was difficult for me because of the grief that i suffered so intensely and  the humiliation that I have endured. Nonetheless, I humbly ask for  forgiveness from those whom I had caused pains and troubles the same way I am extending forgiveness today to those who caused me aches, anguish and maybe ruined my life in certain ways. The time for healing has come, I guess. Letting go of all of these will set as free from distress and everything else. 

To this date I have sent about a hundred pairs of shoes to the Philippines for those who need them in the neighborhood where I lived. This year, maybe, I will bring or send more for both my former enemies and friends.  These shoes are specifically for those who cannot go to school or work  without them. Because I was once humiliated for not having shoes in school. Because from now on I want to be an instrument of hope…that everything was not made to last forever…that life is not about being rich or being poor…because life is simply a journey to a better life in heaven….because life is all about caring for everybody..forgiving and loving…

Loving you and loving me….

In The Name Of My FATHER

November 7, 2011

The quest for superiority over one another is seems to be the nature of being human. Nothing is making us different from an animal. Yet what makes animals better than us is that they are not created to speak their minds. And that makes them less sinner than we are.

The root of all evil is not really money but the mouth. That is why the Lord Jesus emphasized that what really make man sin is mostly not the things that he take into his mouth but everything that comes out of it. Because each word comes from the heart and definitely tells what kind of animal is there inside the person. In other words, what ever you tell people around you manifests how good or evil are you. You don’t have the right to tell anyone or yourself that you are intelligent or kind. Because if you will ask everybody around you, you are simply the ordinary fool that is trying hard to be extra ordinary.

Each of us has a unique life that cannot be compared to anybody. God let us sit in a situation where He can make us all good persons in the process. When we try to stand up and ready to accept change, He suddenly make us realize that we are not alone. We are not the judge of what is happening to somebody else’s life.  Leave everyone else alone and live your own life. You are not there twenty four hours a day and seven days a week with anybody to say what that person should have been done. You cannot conclude base from words coming from a sinful mouth. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT IF YOU CANNOT SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT A PERSON.

My childhood is a kind of life that I never want to live again. My brothers and sister made some different decisions to go over our lives as children as my father gave up to a life he cannot fight or control. I loved him so much but I just can’t agree to his decision to let go of a dream to change our world. They always say it was a fight that we cannot win. I knew deep inside that my father wanted to try but gave up along the way.  But i had my own ideals. As my brothers and sister do. I do not blame them for what they are right now because it is what it is. It is either their choice or they have no choice. I may have caused pains to others especially to my father with the choices that i made but, again, it is what it is. I won the fight and that is all that matters now. And I am sure my father understands me now as he watch us all from heaven.

There is only one way to make this world a better place for all of us. KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF AND LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE ALONE!!!! 

 


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