Archive for April, 2011

LETTERS of a Changing LIFE

April 19, 2011

Tita,
 
It does not matter to me anymore what my brothers and sister think of me. I told you the stories just to tell you what kind of life we had when we were kids. And i have told you the stories about how we were before i left the Philippines just to stress how we love each other and certainly not to boast on what i have done for them. I am not blaming them for expressing what they felt about what has just happen. Maybe i am just too proud for what i have accomplished in my life so far. And maybe it is true that God is shaking me up that is why my life is messed up right now. I deserve it.
 
But I do not regret being here in the US. I moved  closer to God and so far His punishment were so sweet. I came to know what my brothers and sister think about me and in return I managed to know them better. I will surely be a better brother to them when I return.

Dear Mom,

It is only now that I had realized that a family cannot go on without a mother’s guidance even how old the children had grown. For a while, I thought that being educated would make me free from your advises and make me a wise decision maker than you are. But now I guess I am not better than when I was 20 when I decided to live our lives without you but failed so many times on the way until you went to rescue us. This really shows that my educational degrees would not even go closer to your experience when it comes to dealing with my neigbors and living a good life.

I envy you for being respected and loved by almost everyone you know. You made serious mistakes too that should have ruined your stature but our neighbors and friends did not mind about them and continue to adore you. 

I am writing to express my desire of living with you again. To learn the things that may have slipped when I was growing under your care. Maybe our time of being together was just too short or I am too dumb to catch up on the right things that I should have learned from you. Teach me again how to make decisions that will not hurt my fellowmen…to live my life not being rediculed by those that I thought are my family or my friends. I miss you so much. I can’t wait for the day to be with you again.

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THERE IS NO GOD

April 12, 2011

The fool hath said in his heart, there is no GOD…”  Psalm 14:1

With all that had happened to me in the past like Losing a daughter after spending 3 months straight in the hospital to help her as she fought for her life, witnessing before my eyes a father taken away by death little by little, skipping a meal or two in a day , walking a distance of 4 kilometers to go to school, and many many more,  I think I have gone thru enough to say that I am now fully aware of the life that was allegedely given as a gift by a “CREATOR” that we  either do not know or we doubt about “ITS” existence.

When I was in high school, My father and I usually walk 2 kilometers, or so, on our way home every saturday, right after completing a day’s work at bapang fred’s house or any of his jobs back then. I helped during those times so I could have some money to bring me to school for a week. On those particular bonding moments, he never get tired on telling me that our lives must be driven by a purpose. A purpose why we are doing all things that we have been doing. It is important, he said, that you give your life a purpose, a reason to live your life. He firmly believed that this will keep us going whatever odds are there confronting us, making life’s journey walkable even on a much more cruel circumstance.

I never understood what he was saying. If a purpose is really important, well I never seen one in his life. And if a purpose is that important, what is the purpose of creation if there is a GOD as everybody believed. As a child I always asked before accepting what is true and what is not. I always questioned the beliefs that I was raised on and the reasoning of my parents whenever there was something that I cannot understand. Or maybe, refused to understand. 

Is there really a GOD?

Well, that is an interesting question. When I think of life’s unfair treatment to me and the people I know, I can’t help but conclude that GOD is a myth. There is no after-life. Praying is a waste of time. Heaven is an imagination created by powerful people to tame the poor and psychologically stop them from staging battles to seek for fairness of life. Because it is not right that others eat so much while the rest of us die in hunger. That is why they made us believe that poor people go to heaven while rich people suffer in hell. To make us accept and prefer being poor rather than question the reasons of us living this way. We were denied of education to stop us from thinking otherwise. The poor must be kept as morons all the time.

Maybe this had happened because there is really no GOD.  Or, possibly, this is actually the proof that there is really a GOD.

I used to pray a lot. But I cannot remember a single prayer answered. All I am sure of is that there are countless miracles that had happened in my life that is why even how hard  life had been, I am still here fighting it. I thought I have live my life without a purpose. I learned my purpose by seeing GOD’s prupose in my father’s life. His life was taken away little by little to help him go to heaven whatever it takes. The suffering was long. But the gift of eternal life is forever. 

My life’s purpose is to guide my children where life must proceed, like my father’s. To tell them stories such as their grandfather’s and stories of other people who have chosen to believe that there is GOD rather than question the fairness of creation that had put them inside the cruelties of life. To learn from my mistakes and not with their own. To love their neighbors from my examples. I stopped praying because it never did good to me or to my life. Because THY will is better than my prayers.So I always say..THY will be done.

THERE IS NO GOD? I don’t think so.

We Dreamt a DREAM

April 5, 2011

Call us the Calibutbuteros. We are the unfortunate children of  Sitio Calibutbut, Bo. Telabastagan. Born with nothing on our hands and raised in a way where we put our lives in constant danger just to have something to eat on the table. Three square meals a day is a fantasy for all of us but we persistently dreamt a dream. The Lord has curved our destiny even before we were born. A destiny that would change the world of the poor children of Bo. Telabastagan that are in the same fate as we are 20 to 30 years ago. This is what the Lord wants us to do… and this is our story… 

We are a group of young people then (ages between 9 to 15 years old) who had managed to sneak some  time in our busy schedule to play despite tormenting our young bodies with work… to earn a little money so as to make sure that we will live another day. We were normal children but when it comes to battling life…we are a bunch of lean and mean fighting machines. Survivors of all types of calamity- The famous 40 days of Flooding in 1972 , the shocking  1991 8.0-magnitude earthquake along with strong aftershocks, gunfighting between rebels and government forces,  the dangerous world-known Mt. Pinatubo eruption and followed by the lahar onslaught in Pampanga. Name it and we survived it. We relied on the mercy of well-to-do others for our hospitalization and for dentist visits to pull out a brain-damaging-aching tooth.

WE WISH NOT TO BE HEROES but examples to the rest of the WORLD. Listen to our stories……

Pasan Ko’y Mga Tigidig

April 3, 2011

(the author was awarded POET of the year in 1990 by Holy Angel University in the 2nd literary awards sponsored by its Office of Student Affairs. Though this is not one of the poem collection, this poem became popular and was adapted by ESTUDYANTE, a popular student publication in Metro Manila, Philippines)

I

Sumpa ng mistisong bayawak na kamukha ko na yata

Bakit mga tigidig naglipana sa ‘king mukha

Ito ba’y pag-ibig o allergy lang kaya

Napakamalas ko naman at sa mukha pa tumama

II

Lansangang bako-bako sa hitsura ko ang turing

Mukhang di malaman kung landscape o bulubundukin

Laging pinapansin at pakutyang pipiliin

Alin ang arayat o kaya’y ang Mount Makiling

III

Wala na bang gamot na babago sa aking hitsura

Wala na bang pag-asa mukha kong parang papel de liha

Pano ako ngayon magkakaroon ng balentina

Sa mukha kong ito na parang tinadtad ng bala

IV

Kung sino ka man na sa tula ko ngayo’y bumabasa

Pasan kong mga tigidig sa’yo sana ay mapunta

Dahil sa pakiwari ko ikaw ngayo’y tumatawa

At laway mo’y tumutulo, hoy punasan mo muna