Archive for July, 2011

FOR A WHILE and FOREVER

July 12, 2011

I never had the opportunity to tell you how much have I loved you. Everything went so past and I was caught unprepared by the  circumstances that placed all hell of things out of hand.  It was a life’s lesson. And since then I made sure that nothing will go wrong on your little sister’s turn… and later… your baby brother’s.

I also never had the opportunity to tell you how sorry I was. Daddy did everything he can to help you and give you all what you needed but daddy’s capability during those times were really not good enough to help you and keep you. I know how much you wanted to stay. I have seen how you fought to stay with us but my resources and your strenght cannot sustain what is necessary to win your battle.  I was ready to give my own life to keep yours but God just don’t like the idea. I was devastated when I found out that you gave up that  night of September the 16th.

Tomorrow you will turn 15. Your grandma always tell me to let go of the pains in my heart caused by your departure but time failed to heal this wound that was in here for almost 15 years now. On the day you died I held you in my arms tight and cried a million tears while we transported you from the hospital to grandma’s house. When we were inside, I went to a corner and cried louder as I held you and realize that your body is so cold. In your burial I said goodbye by kissing your forehead and as we lower you down your grave, I whispered  to God how much I was hurt  but I trust Him that you will be by His side and make you a guardian angel to watch over your future brothers and sisters.  Your little sister is 13 years old now and your baby brother is 3. I know you’ve been watching them for I have seen a lot of miracles that had happened to them since the day both of them were born.

I am writing this to let you know how much daddy had missed you. I still cry when I remember what you had gone through. You may have stayed with us for a while but I am  sure  God is keeping you forever. I look forward to the day we will see each other as you will come down here to take me and lead me to heaven. I am not afraid to die anymore for dying would mean seeing you and holding you in my arms one more time.

I love you so much baby. Happy birthday.

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