Archive for September, 2011

The PAINS of GOODBYE

September 15, 2011

How do you accept a future without someone you used to comfortably live your life with? How should you learn to tackle cruel circumstances of your life when you were used to rely mostly on that someone who gave you the courage to face almost anything…bear the hardest pain,… and conquer the toughest fight of your life?

My cousins Ajay, Ivy and Avy lost their dad when Ajay, the eldest, was barely a teenager. It was a lost that was so painful that I cannot forget until this day because of how Ajay cried over his dad’s remains and tita Elvie’s tamed grief accompanied by the constant sheding of painful tears and spoken sorrows overwhelmed by silent yet deafening screams. Ivy and, especially, avy, the youngest,  were so small that they were not fully aware of the realities that were facing them- living without a father and cruising life with barely enough money to build their own future. It was a tragedy. And it was horrible.

But auntie Elvie was the strongest woman I have ever known because she had manage to perform the role of a mother and a father for Ajay, Ivy and Avy. She stood as firm as a man to help her three beautiful children cross the cruelties of the circumstance  and live the extra-ordinary life that destiny has brought to all of them. The future that was so blunt was made the brightest for them by auntie Elvie, third to the youngest sister of my late father.

I have not much memories for auntie Elvie and my cousins. Not much but the memories I keep on the back of my mind with them are probably the best with regards to relatives encounters and reunions. Tito Arnold, their late father, was a friend to me instead of an uncle. He used to give me good advices on how to handle events and situations during those difficult days of our lives. Auntie Elvie took over on giving those advices as tito Arnold died unexpectedly. Tita Elvie remained the coolest tita that we had in my father’s side as far as I can remember. Ajay, Ivy and Avy remained distant to us as they live equally distant in Villamor Airbase in Metro Manila, about 90 kilometers or so from Pampanga. But everytime we meet in regular reunions, Ajay, Ivy and Avy were always the sweetest cousins that we can have in a group.

A month ago, auntie Elvie went to a coma and died gradually leaving Ajay, Ivy and Avy now parentless. I had always believed that God is a God of justice. Her death is her reward for such a good work raising three wonderful kids. She can now be with tito Arnold in heaven and look over their children from way up there. Avy is in her last year in college. Ivy is now a registered nurse and Ajay is engage to be married to an equally wonderful lady.

Death is always painful and horrible as it comes. But in the end, death will always be God’s will as it is for the common good of those who will be left behind. I do not know how it works with Ajay, Ivy and Avy right now. All I am aware of is that they were devastated by the lost and hurt so much. 

When my daughter died 15 years ago I cursed everyone and even God. As if the bitterness was endless and the pain was so deep. But now that I think of it, I just smile and thank God for everything and whisper in a prayer to tell my little girl how much her daddy loves her…and missed her. I cry sometimes but it’s alright. I have to have faith. Because I am so sure that God always knows what His doing…