Archive for July, 2013


July 26, 2013



I have long waited to write this message and I have assumed that the right time had come.

                I have preferred a written message like this rather than a verbal one because it takes a lot of courage and emotional stability to retell something that I never wished to recall. And this way, whatever detail that is worth to be remembered can be retold by this writings… even at times when I am not here anymore.

                You are in hell on earth. Every circumstance, every moment and eventuality in your life right now are all add ups to the loads and problems that are brutally tearing you apart. All people, including those who are close to you, are not helping in easing things up but are making them worse by adding to the insults and pains. For all of them, your attempts to escape even for just a while are but foolishness. They never had felt the pain yet as if they carry part of it. They never stood there with you yet as if they know how hard it is to continue. Perhaps they need to see a bloodshed before realizing and understanding that you can take it no more.

                The family problem is a God given trial so you must endure as if the physical and emotional torture is never enough. You don’t have the right to be comfortable simply because you are poor. You do not even have the right to utter the smallest complaints. YES, YOU ARE DOOMED.

                And you are where I was 25 years ago.

                The only difference is I am here. But I cannot fight your fight. I can only take some part and watch you from a distance and tell you the progress of your accomplishments.

                Believe it or not the suffering could end. The desire in your heart to get out of the situation and rebuild your environment into a place of your own design, according to your needs and convenience, should be overwhelming right now. The harder is the toil the sweeter victory becomes. You cannot afford to fail. So many people that are too important in your life will take part of that failure. God gave you the biggest responsibility in the family to lead them out of the hell that poverty creates.

                The irony is that God is letting everything to come into place for a purpose and right now we do not understand why. But I am sure it happens becayse it is supposed to make you a stronger person. Even those who mocked us are actors and actresses of this play that was set up so as to establish the challenges and give us the eagerness to overcome whatever it is that is hurting us.  Again, you cannot fail. Because at the verge of failure, you cannot blame anyone but yourself.

                When I was in your shoe, I held on so tightly. There were days that I never eaten. Months of hard and depressing labor. Yet I refused to break apart. I was mocked too by people whom I thought was with me all along. I was alone but I constantly told myself that soon it would be over and I counted down the days of agony. I kept in my mind that if there is a will, there is certainly a way. The shortage of resources, especially money, never halted my desire to win the battle that I fought not only for myself. Because I knew, my climb to the top will bring along your uncles, your mom, my children …and you.

                Do us all a favor JEM. Pass this damn architecture board exam.